I’ve had a fair share of water shot up my anus over the past few years. In fact, I’ve had a gastronomical assortment of liquids squirted into where the sun shine not: wheatgrass water, garlic water, watery green tea, even warm, diluted coffee! Not that there are taste buds down there, but each concoction is said to have its “nutritional” benefits, and I am a believer!

Ah, yes, a good colonic irrigation. My personal first was at a fasting retreat in Koh-Samui, Thailand, where the detox boom is alive and kicking. It was rather uncomfortable at first, but it did seem to make my detoxing process much more tolerable. You’d be amazed at the stuff that comes out….crap (not necessarily literally) that’s been there for years. When fasting, the thinking goes that a lot of toxins are sometimes released too quickly into your system, which can be really unpleasant, causing a “cleansing reaction” -everything from headaches to fevers to emotional outcry. The colon is one of the body’s biggest eliminative organs, so by clearing it out, natural hygienists say that the toxins can go on their merry way and leave you in peace.

The video below takes the viewer on the first-time journey of someone called Mary, but at least she gets the high-tech version. Most of what I’ve experienced as been with the old, self-serve bucket and tube, making use of the wonderful pairing of suction and gravity. We should all have an ass cleaner at home, I reckon. A colon cleaner, I mean. I actually already have an bum cleaner built into my snazzy Japanese toilet. Eliminates the need for toilet paper for the most part, but that’s a different story. Anyway, don’t laugh, but you can buy at-home colon kits in quite a few places these days. Try googling “colema board,” too.

Mary’s First Colonic:

Today I had:

strawberries
avocado and tomato salad
kinkan
kiwis
monkey and regular bananas
trail mix of goji berries, currants, pine, sunflower, and pumpkin seeds
coffee with soy milk (oh nooooooo!)
a giant papaya
organic red wine